Stacie
14 as of Sept 2005
Stacie is another sweet, sensitive, intelligent, funny suicidal teen. She lives in northern England.
Here is part of a convo we had on Saturday September 3, 2005 when was talking about wanting to kill herself and planning to do it that Monday.
I will probably put more on about Stacie when I have time. But this gives you an idea of who she is, how she thinks and feels. And how she tries to cope with her emotional pain.
On this day Stacie's name was: by the minute, the hour, the day, you slowly take away my sanity
I've changed it to just "Stacie" to make it easier to read the convo.
Stacie says: hey iv been thinkin. n im gunna od on monday steve says: hey steve says: whats been going on steve says: its been a long time... Stacie says: everything literally steve says: aw steve says: hug steve says: like what Stacie says: s, family m8s love school Stacie says: hug steve says: hug back steve says: k tell me about it some more steve says: whats up with s Stacie says: typo steve says: oh Stacie says: (she sent some funny emoticon which didn't copy here) steve says: ur bf is s i thought steve says: lol steve says: shayne or something isnt it Stacie says: i slit my wrist agen 2day n me n shayne r ova Stacie says: im with thom now, kinda steve says: what happened with shayne Stacie says: hes in london im in xxxxx steve says: yeah steve says: that sucks steve says: hey do u want to talk to a guy whos online now steve says: named lloyd Stacie says: sure Stacie says: wheres he from? Stacie says: n how old? steve says: hmm ill let u ask him okay? Stacie says: ok sure steve says: i love that picture btw steve says: lol Stacie says: ty
Then Stacie and LLoyd (aka Pink) started talking in another window, but Stacie and I kept talking in this window.
Stacie says: hey is it ok if i add u pink? Stacie says: sorry wrong convo steve says: lol steve says: too much whiskey...?
They were talking about whiskey in the other window.
Stacie says: i do vodka brb steve says: lol great steve says: hey do u want to just talk here steve says: im worried about u steve says: are u really really feeling like killing urself hun Stacie says: dw, i wnt b here long.. end of i guess. n yes i am Stacie says: iv planned how 2 get the drugs n wen n evrythin steve says: shit stacie steve says: im crying now steve says: hug Stacie says: sorry hunny Stacie says: hug steve says: tell me what else has been going on steve says: or list me some feelings Stacie says: school im doin my final exams my m8s slaggin me off bhind my back my bf is unna dumo me coz of the distance family is fuked as always steve says: hug Stacie says: oh n my bro trashed his room yestersday steve says: what do u mean Stacie says: he is drinkin and on pills n yesterday he fucked his room up steve says: were u scared or were u there or how did u feel steve says: how old is he btw Stacie says: 21 steve says: hug Stacie says: n i just wanted 2 help him i didnt care if he hit me Stacie says: hug steve says: damn i wish i could just hug u right now stacie steve says: seriously steve says: how would u feel if i was crying and u saw me Stacie says: yah i need a hug Stacie says: id b with u n stop u from crying steve says: *sends u huge hug* steve says: yeah i think u would too steve says: ur a sweet person stacie Stacie says: yay huggles back steve says: just have had a shit life till now Stacie says: thanx, u 2 steve uv helped me thru pure shit b4 steve says: *tears* Stacie says: why hun? Stacie says: aww hug steve says: i dont feel like ive done much steve says: we hardly talk steve says: but thanks Stacie says: sorry brb dads shoutin me steve says: great steve says: hug steve says: tell me what he says when u come back Stacie says: just tellin me i shud eat sumin n if i dnt he will stop me from smokin so now i gotta eat steve says: lol steve says: k steve says: how do u feel Stacie says: brb my m8s r havin a go n i feel pissed off steve says: hug steve says: i feel love for u stacie Stacie says: thanks hun steve says: hug steve says: see note in other convo...
...where I said I woul be gone for a while but back online soon.
steve says: lol steve says: bye for now stacie. please dont kill urself, at least till weve talked again! steve says: do u think ull be on for a while longer steve says: hug Stacie says: i cnt promise anything sorry hun Stacie says: hug steve says: oh stacie i wish i could do more... Stacie says: uv dun a lot already more than any1 else steve says: i feel bad leaving now but i think i will be back on soon steve says: thanks but its not enuff Stacie says: kk and it is hun no1 can stop me this time steve says: ur really scaring me Stacie says: sorry hun u need 2 kno wer ill b.. or wnt b steve says: well lets keep talking for a while, k? Stacie says: now? steve says: yeah Stacie says: dnt u have to go? steve says: at least i will know more of whats going on steve says: i cant leave now steve says: im crying steve says: no way would i leave thinking i might never talk to u again Stacie says: sory hunny steve says: id lose laura first Stacie says: no way hunny! Stacie says: i shud neva cum 1st steve says: she might leave and go home but she wouldnt kill herself Stacie says: ok hun just i promise ill wait till u get back if u go see her now steve says: i understand how u feel but well, i just cant leave u now steve says: i dont trust u! steve says: u might just be saying that steve says: to get me to go Stacie says: she sent some other emoticon but I don't remember what it was now
steve says: hug Stacie says: hug Stacie says: hug Stacie says: i wudnt lie 2 u steve says: hug steve says: lol Stacie says:
some other funny graphic
steve says: ur funny even when u want to die steve says: i love u stacie steve says: tho i hardly know u steve says: i do feel love for u Stacie says: i love u 2 same like i said, i kno how i feel str8 away steve says: hug steve says: hey stacie,,,, steve says: what would help u feel better right now Stacie says: death? steve says: k besides that Stacie says: umm.. punchin a wall agen but my fists r 2 sore steve says: k then would u do that for me instead of taking the pills? Stacie says: must i? steve says: but before u do that tell me what else would help u feel better Stacie says: u hug, a real hug Stacie says: sorry brb hun steve says: k Stacie says: back, sorry im so busy with my friends steve says: k steve says: its okay steve says: hug Stacie says: hug steve says: whats going on now with them steve says: god ur fucking sweet stacie
then Darren came on line and I asked him if he wanted to meet Stacie and he said okay and I added him without asking Stacie because I was pretty sure it would be okay with her
Darren's name was [DTMX][Ex-Axis][False hope Failure][Behind Blue Eyes] Cats + Stuff = Awesome!!
Se agregó a Darren a la conversación. steve says: im inviting darren btw Stacie says: chaz is stressin at me mands upset n dan wants 2 die aswell but i cnt go till i kno they r all safe Darren says: hey Stacie says: k Stacie says: heya Stacie says: how r u? Darren says: hey, umm, im ok thn and yourself? Stacie says: dnt ask Darren says: aww, ok Stacie says: u ok steve? steve says: lol steve says: ur so sweet steve says: ur ready to die and asking how i am Stacie says: im a bitch steve says: im sure steve says: a total bitch steve says: lol Stacie says: Stacie says: ty steve says: but i like challenges Stacie says: this challenge is on a game over soon steve says: hug Darren says: hug Stacie says: sowwy guys steve says: ok so what is ur plan exactly steve says: and if darren came and gave u a hug or had sex with you would u not want to die do u think? Stacie says: ok well my bro dus drugs n i kno his m8s so im gunna get sum shit off them n monday night im goin to inject myself Stacie says: had sex? omg im no slut steve says: lol steve says: u dont like sex??? steve says: i thought everyone did! Stacie says: not with random guys Darren says: what? this plan is new to me.,. steve says: lol Darren says: lol Stacie says: steve says: darren is not random, hes my mate Stacie says: but if hes hot... steve says: lol Darren says: awesome steve says: show her ur pic darren Stacie says: Darren says: umm, i would,. but i had to wipe my pc.. Darren says: hang on.. Stacie says: okies Stacie says: wer dus darren live? steve says: ask him! Stacie says: he sed hang on steve says: england. thats all i know steve says: oh steve says: lol Stacie says: i dnt want to be rude steve says: good point! Stacie says: steve says: be rude Darren says: lol, newbury, down south Stacie says: haha steve says: ur a bitch remember Stacie says: ah im in the north, xxxxxx Darren says: aah.. Stacie says: not a rude bitch tho im a bitch with manners steve says: ok steve says: thanks for clarifying that Stacie says: anytime steve says: i love u stacIE
I spelled it stacIE because one time I wrote stacy and she corrected me.
Darren says: lol steve says: im glad lauras not here! Stacie says: love u 2 FBI dude
she said this because in one convo I said something like if she was a bitch then i was an fbi agent
steve says: shed be a bit insecure at this point steve says: lol steve says: fbi dude Stacie says: steve says: lol Stacie says: darren may i add u 2 my msn? steve says: just add him steve says: be rude Darren says: yeah steve says: for a change! Darren says: steve says: lol Stacie says: kool ty steve says: u brits are so fucking polite steve says: we americans arent! Darren says: i noticed Stacie says: steve says: tho i hate to call myself american steve says: lol steve says: hey is lloyd back? Darren says: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v493/DTMX/bamnbasstop.jpg really gay band promo pic from a while back Stacie says: yea hes drunk Stacie says: ill check it out Darren says: Oh steve im 17 now Stacie says: im only 14 Darren says: aww steve says: cool Stacie says: aww ur cute i look like a rocker, im a rocker too steve says: ur 14 stacie!!!?? steve says: damn steve says: whens ur bday? Stacie says: yah 11th march Darren says: yay so are you aswell so its a fair system Stacie says: kool Stacie says: steve? steve says: im not sure which window to talk to u in! steve says: i love u tho stacie steve says: i just had to say it again Stacie says: im confuddled Stacie says: hehe ur sweet steve says: i cant say i love u to guys as easily Darren says: lol Stacie says: fair enough Stacie says: brb steve says: do u like hugs from guys or girls more Stacie says: me? steve says: oh i forgot darren was reading this! steve says: lol Stacie says: both brb Darren says: lol Stacie says: s`ok im bi so what brb Darren says: hey, still here! steve says: lol Darren says: yay for bi people steve says: everyone in england is bi i think steve says: lol steve says: everyone under 18 anyhow Darren says: lol, almost Darren says: all stereotypical "emo" people apparently steve says: whats emo? Darren says: umm, the whole self harming broken homes, broken relationships thing.. Darren says: its so cliquedf over here Darren says: cliqued*. Stacie says: back steve says: why do they say emo Stacie says: emotional Darren says: shortened "emotional" Stacie says: see i kno Stacie says: brb steve says: like to be emotional is a bad thing? Darren says: umm, i dunno, because it never used to be, but now its in "fashion" to slit your wrists and stuff over here, so its like it all for attention seeking apparently Stacie says: txt off thom brb steve says: k stacie.. Stacie says: we r meetin next weekend how do i tell him i wnt b here? Stacie says: and im goth steve says: lol steve says: well i give a shit if u are goth or anything else stacie steve says: i love u steve says: hug Stacie says: hug aww ty love u 2 steve says: and who are u talking about meeting next week? Stacie says: u i dnt kno wot to do shud i meet him/ or die? Darren says: i'd go with the first one steve says: me 2 Stacie says: i dnt kno i mean.. i wanna die steve says: let darren and i make decisions for u steve says: lol steve says: hug steve says: u need love stacie steve says: thats all Stacie says: hug Stacie says: yah n i dnt get it steve says: and there are pple who will love u for who u are if u stay aliev steve says: im sure of it steve says: and i will introduce u to them Stacie says: ur 1 of them steve says: yeah but im taken steve says: lol steve says: but if i werent Stacie says: not in that way steve says: lol steve says: ok Stacie says: u live in USA utherwise.. steve says: im in peru! steve says: but what about darren? Stacie says: oh hehe Stacie says: what about him? steve says: hes available i think! steve says: i think hed love u for who u are Stacie says: he wnt want me n i hardly kno him Darren says: awesome i can drive in like 2 weeks ish steve says: hes cool steve says: and lives a lot closer! Stacie says: awsome steve says: and can drive in 2 weeks steve says: lol steve says: so hang on for two weeks at least! Stacie says: yeah itd bb kool 2 meet him he sounds awsome Darren says: sweet.. Darren says: well, if you are gonna go thru with it, get enough for 2 and ill come up and jpoin you.. Stacie says: yay a suicide pact Darren says: wow.. i should start thinking before i say stuff.. Stacie says: nah i wudnt let u die Darren says: soz.. Darren says: why not? Stacie says: u seem kool n i aint draggin u down with me Darren says: and?> you seem kool Darren says: i wouldnt let you go down Stacie says: u cnt stop me Darren says: cant i? Stacie says: Darren says: why not? Stacie says: how wud u? Darren says: i could come up and stop you Stacie says: u dnt kn wer i live Stacie says: brb Darren says: xxxxxx? isnt that close enough to prove a point? Darren says: if i leave now i can be there at like half ten tonight, lol Stacie says: wer in xxxxx? Stacie says: u dnt kno wer i am Stacie says: brb chaz is havin a go Darren says: so your saying if i went up to xxxxxx on a train, you would still do it because i wouldnt know where you were? Darren says: ok steve says: im still here btw, kind of, but laura just came and we are talking a bit... Darren says: kewel Stacie says: ok steve says: k im here again steve says: stacie i want to tell u something steve says: and its the truth steve says: well i will just copy it Stacie says: ok steve says:
.. this is what i copied from my convo with darren in another window
steve says: sorry. im not ignoring u steve says: but lets change topics a sec steve says: would u really be able to go to see stacie Darren says: umm, yeah its a 5 hour train ride Darren says: but yeah steve says: Darren says: if it would save her life.. steve says: yeah steve says: thats cool steve says: thanks Darren says: and id be broke after but y'know, lol ..
Stacie says: but all i need is a hug from sum1 hu understands me n id love 2 meet him steve says: yeah steve says: i know steve says: hug Stacie says: hug steve says: my friends are the best stacie. steve says: we will take care of u steve says: and give u all the hugs u need steve says: thats what the point of what i am doing is, ya know? steve says: for all of u to help each other Stacie says: yah steve says: and i know u would do the same for darren steve says: i dont even have to ask Stacie says: dan n mand hugged me after they read what i put but they dnt understand me | steve says: yeah Stacie says: and id do anything for anyone steve says: its better when pple understand Stacie says: yah it is steve says: but what dont they understand? steve says: or lets say its better when we feel understood Darren says: brb.. need to find munch.,.. Stacie says: how i feel and y, b4 listenin 2 me finish they will but in n doubt me Stacie says: and hb steve says: what do u mean... they will interrupt u? Stacie says: yea steve says: then what kind of things do they say Darren says: back steve says: and i want to say again i love u.. but i dont want to interrupt! lol but thats probably not an interruption which bothers u! Stacie says: thati shud just hold on but they dnt kno how hard it is Stacie says: n wb Stacie says: i love u 2 n ty steve says: lol Darren says: thank you :0 Darren says: :0 Darren says: /* steve says: k so anyhow before i forget laura came and things are cool with us just so u know and wont worry stacie steve says: oh yeah wb darren Stacie says: ok good steve says: my manners are shit steve says: lol Stacie says: steve says: k anyhow, what if u asked ur friends if they can just listen till ur done talking? how do u think they would take it? Stacie says: i dnt kno Darren says: if you need to talk to anyone in like person, you could like call me or something, ill listen.. steve says: thats kind of u darren Stacie says: thanx darren Stacie says: ur really nice steve says: yeah we need to set up a phone support line thing Darren says: its just like, the least anyone could do.. steve says: not just chatting Stacie says: yah but i cnt afford it steve says: then later we will set up a visiting system somehow Darren says: well should, not in this fucked up "democracy " we live in Stacie says: thatd b awsome Darren says: yeah steve says: yeah its really needed Stacie says: true steve says: teens need to help each other cuz adults dont know how Stacie says: ur great steve ur like me u help ppl all the time n its all y do Stacie says: just dnt let it bring u down Darren says: i was walking down the street yesterday and some charity person comes up and starts talking to me about how to help people, then asks me how old i am, i say im 17 and she cgoes "oh your too young then" and walks off. steve says: *tears* ok im crying a bit but not like depressed tears, more like loving and feeling appreciated tears Darren says: england sucks.. steve says: and that sucks about the lady Darren says: hugs to both, and everyone! steve says: darren wanted to be a volunteer with the samaritans Stacie says: group hug steve says: and they said he was too young steve says: aw steve says: lol Stacie says: that sux ass Stacie says: aww steve says: ur both so cool Stacie says: yeah u r steve says: which reminds me darren, what happened to mili steve says: i havent talked to her in ages steve says: shes so sweet too Darren says: umm, shes cool, her boyfrined is still a dick Darren says: i might go kill him today actually steve says: um... Stacie says: aww poor mili steve says: not sure thats a good idea Darren says: i am.. steve says: lol Stacie says: dnt go 2 jail for a fuck nut Darren says: i wont, ill go to broadmoor steve says: it would be hard to go see stacie from a prison cell tho! steve says: whats broadmoor Stacie says: yeah Darren says: its an asylum, not a prison steve says: ah steve says: do they let u out to visit ur suicidal friends steve says: lol? Darren says: one of my exes dads is in there Stacie says: K2? Darren says: lol, nah, but they've locked me up before, quite a nice place Stacie says: skitzo ward? Stacie says: Stacie says: i hate them Darren says: nah, just "home for the criminally minded" Stacie says: ah ok Darren says: all like the nailbombers and stuff went, there, as did ian huntly Stacie says: wow Stacie says: hes a dick Darren says: you know that story steve? Darren says: the whole ian huntly thing? steve says: noope steve says: nada steve says: nothing Darren says: he seemed a pretty nice guy actually Stacie says: Darren says: he raped and killed 2 ten year old girls steve says: lol steve says: ew Stacie says: girls Darren says: no, he semmed relativly normal, steve says: like me steve says: lol Darren says: lol Stacie says: brb steve says: but some pple think im a pedo and dangerous Darren says: but people always seem sane on the outside Stacie says: nah way hun u r not steve says: actually i can understand how someone could do it Stacie says: i kno that Stacie says: brb steve says: cuz i get judged so much just for liking to talk to teenagers steve says: and yeah id date them too. so does that make me a pedophile?? steve says: who knows!? Stacie says: bastards they just anoyed cuz ur kinder by them Darren says: by law? yes Darren says: by human nature no.. steve says: lol steve says: yeah by law steve says: but i like teens cuz they accept me more Darren says: by thoise **** that make us abide by THEIR rules Darren says: Democracy .. steve says: yeah steve says: try voting for ur teachers steve says: lol steve says: i dont think that would go over well steve says: or ur school directors Darren says: like at this festival i was at at the weekend, its like awesome, we were next to these 2 gay guys and it was like awesome, could talk like about anything and it was awesome steve says: theres no democracy for teens Darren says: im gonna get kicked out of psycology so fast next year... Darren says: well like next week Stacie says: i wanna b a psycologist Darren says: be a revolutionary one steve says: cool Darren says: none of this doctor crap.. steve says: u can work with me stacie Stacie says: thatd b awsome Darren says: oh steve im not sure if i mailed you about that steve says: u dont need a stupid degree or title either steve says: about what? Darren says: do you have any idea where you'll be next year Darren says: im taking a gap year Stacie says: hu? Darren says: steve.. Stacie says: ah ok Darren says: i have food downstairs Stacie says: u smoke darren? n go get it steve says: ah yeah im here darren. yeah u wrote me steve says: that would be awesome if u came steve says: bring stacie! Stacie says: wait.. Darren says: umm, i smoke drugs if that counts? Stacie says: umm shayne has also just turned 17 and is drivin soon.. and hes in the south steve says: and emily and any one else u want! Darren says: emily? steve says: would u stay alive for shayne? Stacie says: NO steve says: who is emily? steve says: and why did u say no stace Darren says: yeah, Stacie says: we r ova n he hurt me Stacie says: shayne that is steve says: how did he hurt u Stacie says: he just ditched me cuz of the distance steve says: aw steve says: very dumb move! Stacie says: yup Stacie says: but now i have thom.. kinda Darren says: but your putting it all on the line? Darren says: you could stay and see everything.. Stacie says: no but hes givin u coz of distance too, hes almost 19 Darren says: and? look at steve? (no offence) look at his relationships, age has no effect! as longh as both parties consent and are happy then its fine! Stacie says: yeah i kno that but he dnt like it steve says: laura is 22 btw stacie if u didnt know steve says: and i loved a girl younger than that in australia! Stacie says: wow steve says: it was the happiest month of my life i think Darren says: is that loved as in a verb Stacie says: thats kool steve says: then her parents messed it up Stacie says: aww steve says: what else is loved besides a verb?? Darren says: well theres the "act" of loving someone, and theres the feeling of loving sdomeone Stacie says: a representitive Stacie says: brb Darren says: sorry.. im nto really with it.. steve says: it was steve says: oops hit enter too soon Darren says: some song lyrics that have some meaning, to me at least http://www.lyrics007.com/Switchfoot%20Lyrics/Meant%20To%20Live%20Lyrics.html Darren says: lol steve says: it was mostly feeling and a lot of hugging and talking Darren says: sorry, im a guy.. so my mind immediatly thinks.. steve says: sex? steve says: no we never had sex if that is what u mean! Darren says: i cant help it steve says: she wanted to wait steve says: i didnt care cuz it was so nice to hug her and be in love Darren says: yeah.. steve says: it was really good. it still hurts that i lost her. steve says: or i was robbed more accurately steve says: those are good lyrics steve says: where is stacie? steve says: and what is providence? Darren says: she brb'd Darren says: and i have no idea steve says: lol steve says: k
-----
I'm not sure why I don't have the rest of the convo saved. This is all I have. It might be in my inbox or something. I may look for it later, but like I said, this gives you an idea about Stacie and her life.